1. Sam Elliott
• Perfection. The shape, the size, the girth, and the bushiness. The standard by which all others are judged. It also most likely affects (improves) his gravelly slur.
2. Ming the Merciless
• Technically, this mustache sort of morphs into a goatee or weird space vandyke, but it's still pretty sweet. Long and thin, perfect for stroking while considering the fate of captives.
3. Captain Kangaroo
• While this dude's eyebrows almost always draw your attention away from anything else, he's got a decent 'stash to look at. Not too big, not too small. Just the right amount of bristle-icality. Interesting side note: His 'do would go unnoticed in Planet of the Apes or on the Moon of Endor.
4. Tom Selleck
• A perennial top-ten finisher, this hairy upper lip is a mainstay. Well-balanced, well-colored, and according to Google, well-received in Playgirl magazine. Selleck's best feature has been in Westerns and poorly written comedies about men and babies.
5. Terry "Hulk" Hogan
• Who doesn't love a bleached handlebar mustache? This pup helped pin a giant and was also there when Hulk broke down after finding out his wife was sleeping with the pool boy. Talk about a best friend.
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