Suffixes

Lately I've been going over-board on suffixes and substitute words. Somehow when I don't have anything witty, unique or clever to add to a conversation, a suffix is a good substitute. Running out of intelligent adjectives to describe everyday situations, encounters or surroundings, happens to all of us. When that happens, a good suffix will do just fine. Abbreviations also serve as a good substitute for a small vocabulary quiver. Let me show you what I mean:

"bags"
One of the partners, Newell, at my accounting firm holds you in a steady gaze far beyond the point of normal eye contact upon finishing a sentence, so much so that you have a hard time finishing conversations with him. Just when you think you are wrapping up a quick convo by saying something like, "Ok, sounds good. I'll get right on that", he begins a 4 second absent staring contest and then nods his head in questioning and unsure approval. I am beginning to be entertained by the awkwardness and feel that "Newell-bags" is a good way to describe him.

"hatch"
This one is good for any reference to a hole. "I'm gonna kiss that girl right on her mouth-hatch" or "Opinions are like butt hatches, everyone has one but nobody likes it when you share it them" or "you dill-hatch"

"balls"
Hey Tyler-balls, be a pal and pass me that topical cream

"sac"
-pointing at the roll of clear plastic bags from the end of the produce stand while shopping for nuts next to the supermarket fruit- "excuse me sir, could you pass a nut-sac, these bulk walnuts look delicious".

"zees" and "b"
"Hey bro, will you pick me up some Prepzees-H? My b-hole is killing me", or
"maybe if I put down a little more of this protein shake while I'm in the tanning bed, I'll really part of the b, b & b club".

"P" or "d"
I'm such a fricken P, I don't dare to play a game of heads down nuts up.

Why is that d-bagger always disrespecting?


I need to stop using abbreviations and suffixes. It's too much of a fun habit.

Top 4 Words That Need to Be Eliminated From the English Language

1. Classic
1. The word 'Classic' is supposed to refer to something that never ceases to be funny. This word is used in so many mundane ways that aren't 'classic' that it rubs me wrong to ever hear it uttered.

2. Booya
1. This word should never have been invented. It is used in a self-congratulatory manner to rub in just a little more that someone just said something awesome.  When someone one ups me and then says booya, I actually feel embarrassed for them.  All sense of superiority they may have rightfully been entitled to at that moment is immediately deemed null and void.  It was a 'cool' thing to say for a short period of time in the late 80's and has been hanging around like a stale fart ever since.  Every so often I hear a person say that they are trying to bring it back.  Maybe they should try to bring back pegged pants and Urkle catch phrases while they're at it.

3. Not
1. When Wayne's World first surfaced in the early 90's on Saturday Night Live and uttered this and other phrases, it was funny.  Kids all over the country strategically slipped Wayne's World lingo into their everyday vernacular to demonstrate that they were one of the cool kids.  Then Wayne's World the movie came out.  Almost overnight,  parents, 5 year olds, and even Disney sequels (the ones that went straight to video) were using this lingo in an attempt to be 'hip' and connect with the younger generation.  As a result, these phrases were ruined forever.  'Not' (used after a witty and sarcastic statement) was one of the worst casualties, and while for the most part it has now died off I sometimes still hear this atrocity being vomited from someone's mouth.

4. Touche
1. I hate that I have to include this word, since I love to use it.  The problem is that too many people use this term incorrectly.  When someone has a killer retort and you can't think of a great comeback, 'touche' is the perfect way to gracefully concede the point.  Merely saying something funny or saying something that people agree with does not merit a 'touche' response.  A mass reeducation on this word needs to take place so I can continue to use it.