Top 4 Reasons to Take a Girl to Live Theater

1. Daddy Warbucks
1. a)You have cash + b)you are willing to spend cash on her = c)she sees a future of buying shoes on your dime.  This doesn't mean it has to be true, but the thought of this will attract her.  

2. Dress Up
2. You have a chance to show off your new cute shoes and cute pants.  She gets to dress up a little bit as well.

3. Hall Pass
3. Nudity at a movie is pornography.  Nudity at the theater is art.

4. Culture and Refinement
4. You get points for culture and refinement even when you don't know what those words mean.

The Top 3 Tweets About the "Everything Bagel"

1– This "everything bagel" is great. Has onions, poppy seeds, garlic, cheese, q-tips, Greenland, fear, sandals, wolves, teapots, crunking...
-- @johnmoe

2– Come on, Everything Bagels, who you tryin' to fool? You got like 6 seasonings on there. That's a lot, but it ain't everything.
-- @patrickmarkryan

3– Last time I had an everything bagel I got poppy seeds, Mira Sorvino, and Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit all over my shirt.
-- @dwineman

The Top 3 Slashies (actor/musician, not the other way around)

1. Meatloaf
• His name is Robert Paulson. As the moosey, lovable oaf in Fight Club, Meatloaf's b-tits weren't the only thing that grabbed your attention — his emotional range was equally as, uh, perky.



2. Scarlet Johanson
• Sure she can hit the high notes. Sure she can probably shake her hips and make every red-blooded American boy wish he was a microphone. But can you name any of her songs? Nope. What about her movies? Bingo. Ryan Reynolds must have a pretty GOOD reason for splitting up with her.



3. Ricky Gervais
• Brilliant, funny, witty, worth paying attention to. Way better at writing humor than singing New Wave music. Though cruising through all of his New Wave musical ventures on YouTube IS pretty humorous.

The Top 5 Mustaches (The Beard's Upstairs Neighbor)

1. Sam Elliott
• Perfection. The shape, the size, the girth, and the bushiness. The standard by which all others are judged. It also most likely affects (improves) his gravelly slur.

2. Ming the Merciless
• Technically, this mustache sort of morphs into a goatee or weird space vandyke, but it's still pretty sweet. Long and thin, perfect for stroking while considering the fate of captives.

3. Captain Kangaroo
• While this dude's eyebrows almost always draw your attention away from anything else, he's got a decent 'stash to look at. Not too big, not too small. Just the right amount of bristle-icality. Interesting side note: His 'do would go unnoticed in Planet of the Apes or on the Moon of Endor.

4. Tom Selleck
• A perennial top-ten finisher, this hairy upper lip is a mainstay. Well-balanced, well-colored, and according to Google, well-received in Playgirl magazine. Selleck's best feature has been in Westerns and poorly written comedies about men and babies.

5. Terry "Hulk" Hogan
• Who doesn't love a bleached handlebar mustache? This pup helped pin a giant and was also there when Hulk broke down after finding out his wife was sleeping with the pool boy. Talk about a best friend.

The Top 3 Dillons/Dylons (in our era)

1. Dillon from the film Predator
Reasons to like:
• Had an arm wrestling match with Dutch while standing up, with oiled-up, flexing biceps
• Fro-stash
• Despite being in a bug-ridden jungle with scratchy, poisonous vines and stinging things, he never buttoned up his army shirt. It was always unbuttoned, and it was always awesome.

Verdict:
One tough mother f'er. Even though the CIA had him pushing too many pencils, he was still quite capable in the jungle.


2. Bob Dylan
Reasons to like:
• The Times They Are A-Changin'


3. Matt Dillon
Reasons to like:
• Was Cliff Poncier, the frontman of the fictional Seattle band Citizen Dick (with the ever-catchy single, Touch Me I'm Dick)
• "Exceptional my ass." –Pat Healy in Something About Mary

Top Five Reasons to Create This Blog

Top five reasons to create a blog

1. Everyone is doing it.

2. It gives a feeling of superiority to sound smarter than other peoples. 

3. As the saying goes, "Opinions are like buttholes.  Everyone has one."  Some people have more than one (opinions, not buttholes)  that they'd like to share.
4. You've got nothing better to do.

5. You're insane (in an interesting way)

Top five reasons not to create a blog

1. Everyone is doing it.

2. You're going to bore everyone with the intricate and underwhelming details of every minute of your day (and life).

3. You have opinions but they are uninteresting and devoid of any rational thought.
4. You're an animal rights activist.
5. You're insane (in a bad way)

This blog falls somewhere in the middle of life changing and totally worthless, but hopefully it is at least entertaining.  Enjoy.